so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
