At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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