Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
