"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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