I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
