And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
