I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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