nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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