im drinking this country out of the recession.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
