I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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