Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
