No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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