My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
soo... how was my night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
