I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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