you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
