Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
