When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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