Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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