Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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