Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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