I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
