Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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