i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
