dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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