i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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