Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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