I think my fart just growled at me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
