We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
