i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
