Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
