the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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