Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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