ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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