I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
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Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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