At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
