If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
