he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
