i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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