I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
