you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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