Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
