you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
