he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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