YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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