Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize