So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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