You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
