he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
