We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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