i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
