Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
