Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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