I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
