It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
