ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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