..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
