I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
