Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
