My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My vagina is very pro this idea
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
