dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
