i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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