Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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