ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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