i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
