member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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