It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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