Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
