I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He felt like a one man threesome
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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