do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize