U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
