That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
