How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize