Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
