good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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