I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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