I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
