I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
